D’oRaNgE

I’m 20… it’s official…
no big hang out party like last year, just a day out with my sweetie on the 14th and then another day out with BaLagOz++ today, ++ here means “our boyfriends”…

tadi siang menjelang sore ada kejadian aneh…waktu sy mo berwudhu bukannya ambil air di gayung, sy malah ambil sikat gigikuwh and pasta gigi, terus gosok gigi deh….pas lagi gosok gigi gituwh, sy baru nyadar kalo ternyata sy mo sholat… hehehehehe

i don’t know what was going on, but yeah that happened… ada yg pernah mengalami hal serupa?

I just got myself into a depression. Yes. That’s a very shameful thing to admit, but I am. I have done nothing but loving him and trying to do my best in making him happy. Yet…it’s just not enough for him.

The most hurtful thing someone you love can do to you is not believing that they’re your only one and that you really love them truly.

And it actually happens to me! I can’t believe how he can not believe in how much I really love and care about him. The past six months and three weeks, I have been loving him with all my might and I even endure the pressures I got from other people because I really want to be with this guy. For the first time, I am hanging on to a relationship… I am patient about all that. I have to say this is something very new to me, I never hang on to any relationship before [notice how I never had a long-term relationship]. I was the quitter; never was a fighter… but with dimas, I don’t know where I got this much patience and this will to survive.

Today, i don’t know how to keep it all inside

You know what, I feel like I could just beat this shit out of the asshole/bitch that repost my blog when I kinda still wanted to be friends with Casper which made Dimas think that I still love that guy. [FYI: the blog post was written in 2005!!!!!!]. I am not in love with him anymore for God’s sake. Loving him was even stupid in the first place, why the hell would I continue my mistake??? This is outrageous. Gosh…Casper Broekhuizen can still bring shit into my life even when he’s so out of my life and absolutely out of my heart. Unbelievable. He doesn’t even have any direct involvement in this.

some days are hard to survive

i feel so down about it

i don’t wanna be alone

just hanging by the phone

can’t stand another night on my own

will the new day rise and we are wiser?

Another hurtful thing is when someone you love, can’t accept that you have your own past… well, the past is the past. Everybody has their own past, and there is absolutely nothing they can change about their past. However, there is nothing major I want to change about my past. I accept the fact that I have made mistakes in my life before, yang tentunya menunjukkan dengan jelas bahwa sy iniyh manusia biasa. I am no angel. I accept the fact that I had been in love before I met my sweetheart, and he had too!. I am okay with the fact that I used to have lots of crushes. I am okay, with everything in my past. Although I might regret some events, but hey I could learn from them and accept that they are just a part of me.

I don’t want to turn back time

I just want to change your mind

I really want to chase this cloud aways

there’s nothing much to say

Ampun deeh…blog iniyh kayakx depressing bgt,,, but that really is how I am feeling right now. I am running out of ideas of what I should do to make this guy believes that he’s the only one I love right now. I just don’t know anymore… but I’m still going to be patient like I always do. I told him that he could contact me when he can finally believe my feeling… until then, I will hold this longing/missing him feeling I have plus all the pain I got from his not trusting me… I am still afraid to think that he isn’t going to believe. Ever. If that happens, this relationship is not working… just the thought of it makes me shiver all over. Why the heck am I so scared of losing him?

I’m holding on, waiting for your call
it’s simple, but I can’t explain this
I’m sinking down

I’m falling off

Oh iyah…not to forget…

Buat temen2kuwh di kampus yang akhir2 ini pernah beberapa kali melihat dEa yang lain dari biasanya, maafkan sayah… tolong terima kenyataan kalo teman kalian yang heboh, cerewet, and ceria ini bisa punya low moments juga… oh iyah, thanx atas supportx ya guys….

Thank u for your support,

thank u for holding my hand,

thank u for being my shoulder to cry on, walopun you don’t really know what’s going on with me.

thank you for doing your best to make me laugh, when all I really want to do is cry my eyes out.

Thank u udah mo ajak k jalan2 and hibur k.

I really appreciate that. You guys are the best…I know I can always count on you.

I don’t know how I would be without you all…

PS: this is still dea, she’s only on a verge of a breakdown.

I make a new blog…
kenapa? I just feel like it.
alasan umum: Momentx yang pas gituwh… 2007. I just want a new beginning. Make new memories… males ingat yg sudah lewat…
Alasan tak terduga: ada yang menyabotase blog lamakuwh

this is a whole brand new ORANGE PUBLISHING created by DEA…

This is a new me. Merasa aneh? Well, kenalilah dea yang baru ini if you want.. because she might still be that same person you people care about..

PS: people change, and so do I. no pueden tratar a una chica basa su pasado. solo errores se aprende.
amame para como soy, no para la chica quieres; la chica en tu imaginacion.