D’oRaNgE

Masih dalam suasana ultah niiyh…

I had a quiet one. No party, I mean. However, I could still have some fun.

Pas tanggal 14 gituwh, dImas datang ke rumah and bawa presents berupa tempat minum cute warna oranye [buat dibawa ke gym n kampus every day katanyah J] and a stuffed animal berupa anjing yang cute juga [katanyah buat di-hug, since I said I wanted something to hug, and then anjing karena I love dogs J]… very thoughtful, eh? Teyus…it doesn’t stop there. Kartu ucapan ultahnya juga kreatif dong tentunyah, it was of course ORANGE and written with a UV ink!!! It was really something J masih ada lagi siyh dari dImas, a matching SYSTEM of a DOWN shirt. Yipppieee… now I do have same shirt as my boyfriend, which never happened before in my life

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And then after that I took him to lunch, unfortunately he wasn’t feeling well so we got home anyway and didn’t get to see a movie like we planned. But then in the afternoon I took my aunt and my cousin out shopping.

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In the evening, my OMA cooked my favorite meals: IKan baker, sayur bayam+jagung, and dabu-dabu [sambel khas Gorontalo]… and also beliau mengikuti tradisi Gorontalo kalo ada orang yang ultah, which is dibikinkan nasi kuning+tili aya [yum…!] terpaksa lah saya makan malam and membatalkan diet hehehehe. The food was irresistible!!! However, ada downfall-x juga… pas malam ituwh OMAkuwh ternyata bikin KOLAK DURIAN… YUCK!!! L alhasil dirikuwh mengungsi keluar rumah biar nda cium baunyah..

.After dinner, me and my family went to my other aunt’s house…. Disana dirikuwh di kasih brownies.. kue ultah, katanya… hehehe. Oh iya, ternyata juga ada my cousins Muflih and Gufron yang balik dari Surabaya …huhuhu what a surprise!

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Hm…tentang ucapan…

Ucapan ultah yang datang tahun ini lebih sedikit daripada tahun kemaren. Mungkin karena sy nda bikin party, jadi mereka lupa… anywayz, now I know who really care about me

But seperti biasa, ucapan ultahnya datang dari tengah malam sampe tengah malam lagi… heheheh

Abhie saking semangatx, say happy birthday sebelum 00:00… and then of course my sweetheart kept me on the phone and made sure he became the first and last one to say happy birthday J .. yes, he was with me until January 14^th was over J

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Anyway, I’m glad all of my real friends remember my birthday and wish me all the best. Thank u, guys!!!

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Hey, the birthday celebration didn’t stop there. I took Balagoz and our boyfriends to lunch. However, it was more like Makan sore, coz we were waiting until everyone got there. I just didn’t want to celebrate my birthday if one of my friends is missing from the scene. Especially, balagoz since we don’t get to hang out all the 5 of us anymore. Dan coba deh bayangkan se-giFo2nya kami….ternyata belum pernah foto berlima!!!! That is so unbelievable! Anyway, kita foto deh di focus dan untuk pertama kalinya ke-5 balagoz were present!

Entahlah…I just feel this huge spirit to bring all the 5 of together…

And having the guy that I love and the 4 friends that I also care about to celebrate my birthday really made me happy. They’re very important to me…

But ini sama sekali tidak berniat mendiskriminasi my other friends karena tidak mengajak mereka.. coz we are actually having a party at the end of the month!! Heheheheh sebenarnya itu adalah acara birthday partynya anak2 ReGimE yang lahir di bulan January. Niatx bagus ji…’tuk show that anak ReGimE bisa ji BerSaTu apalagi buat acara makan2…. Heheheheh

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Alright…. I’m taking my 20year-old self off this blog now… see ya!

I’m 20… it’s official…
no big hang out party like last year, just a day out with my sweetie on the 14th and then another day out with BaLagOz++ today, ++ here means “our boyfriends”…

tadi siang menjelang sore ada kejadian aneh…waktu sy mo berwudhu bukannya ambil air di gayung, sy malah ambil sikat gigikuwh and pasta gigi, terus gosok gigi deh….pas lagi gosok gigi gituwh, sy baru nyadar kalo ternyata sy mo sholat… hehehehehe

i don’t know what was going on, but yeah that happened… ada yg pernah mengalami hal serupa?

I just got myself into a depression. Yes. That’s a very shameful thing to admit, but I am. I have done nothing but loving him and trying to do my best in making him happy. Yet…it’s just not enough for him.

The most hurtful thing someone you love can do to you is not believing that they’re your only one and that you really love them truly.

And it actually happens to me! I can’t believe how he can not believe in how much I really love and care about him. The past six months and three weeks, I have been loving him with all my might and I even endure the pressures I got from other people because I really want to be with this guy. For the first time, I am hanging on to a relationship… I am patient about all that. I have to say this is something very new to me, I never hang on to any relationship before [notice how I never had a long-term relationship]. I was the quitter; never was a fighter… but with dimas, I don’t know where I got this much patience and this will to survive.

Today, i don’t know how to keep it all inside

You know what, I feel like I could just beat this shit out of the asshole/bitch that repost my blog when I kinda still wanted to be friends with Casper which made Dimas think that I still love that guy. [FYI: the blog post was written in 2005!!!!!!]. I am not in love with him anymore for God’s sake. Loving him was even stupid in the first place, why the hell would I continue my mistake??? This is outrageous. Gosh…Casper Broekhuizen can still bring shit into my life even when he’s so out of my life and absolutely out of my heart. Unbelievable. He doesn’t even have any direct involvement in this.

some days are hard to survive

i feel so down about it

i don’t wanna be alone

just hanging by the phone

can’t stand another night on my own

will the new day rise and we are wiser?

Another hurtful thing is when someone you love, can’t accept that you have your own past… well, the past is the past. Everybody has their own past, and there is absolutely nothing they can change about their past. However, there is nothing major I want to change about my past. I accept the fact that I have made mistakes in my life before, yang tentunya menunjukkan dengan jelas bahwa sy iniyh manusia biasa. I am no angel. I accept the fact that I had been in love before I met my sweetheart, and he had too!. I am okay with the fact that I used to have lots of crushes. I am okay, with everything in my past. Although I might regret some events, but hey I could learn from them and accept that they are just a part of me.

I don’t want to turn back time

I just want to change your mind

I really want to chase this cloud aways

there’s nothing much to say

Ampun deeh…blog iniyh kayakx depressing bgt,,, but that really is how I am feeling right now. I am running out of ideas of what I should do to make this guy believes that he’s the only one I love right now. I just don’t know anymore… but I’m still going to be patient like I always do. I told him that he could contact me when he can finally believe my feeling… until then, I will hold this longing/missing him feeling I have plus all the pain I got from his not trusting me… I am still afraid to think that he isn’t going to believe. Ever. If that happens, this relationship is not working… just the thought of it makes me shiver all over. Why the heck am I so scared of losing him?

I’m holding on, waiting for your call
it’s simple, but I can’t explain this
I’m sinking down

I’m falling off

Oh iyah…not to forget…

Buat temen2kuwh di kampus yang akhir2 ini pernah beberapa kali melihat dEa yang lain dari biasanya, maafkan sayah… tolong terima kenyataan kalo teman kalian yang heboh, cerewet, and ceria ini bisa punya low moments juga… oh iyah, thanx atas supportx ya guys….

Thank u for your support,

thank u for holding my hand,

thank u for being my shoulder to cry on, walopun you don’t really know what’s going on with me.

thank you for doing your best to make me laugh, when all I really want to do is cry my eyes out.

Thank u udah mo ajak k jalan2 and hibur k.

I really appreciate that. You guys are the best…I know I can always count on you.

I don’t know how I would be without you all…

PS: this is still dea, she’s only on a verge of a breakdown.

I make a new blog…
kenapa? I just feel like it.
alasan umum: Momentx yang pas gituwh… 2007. I just want a new beginning. Make new memories… males ingat yg sudah lewat…
Alasan tak terduga: ada yang menyabotase blog lamakuwh

this is a whole brand new ORANGE PUBLISHING created by DEA…

This is a new me. Merasa aneh? Well, kenalilah dea yang baru ini if you want.. because she might still be that same person you people care about..

PS: people change, and so do I. no pueden tratar a una chica basa su pasado. solo errores se aprende.
amame para como soy, no para la chica quieres; la chica en tu imaginacion.